"Building Self-Made Heroes: The Secret to Child Confidence"

While I was standing at the corner of the 6th grade classroom next to the door, waiting for the school counselor to finish her talk with the students so we can go to the cafeteria to drink a cup of coffee, the councilor asked the students one last question which was: “who is your hero?” The students started reflecting and answering the question all at once, giving different answers; “Superman, my Grandpa, my hero is Flash, Queen Rania, etc.…” each answer resonated with the personality and individual experiences of each one of them. Of course, chaos conquered the room with their loud voices and prompt responses. Amidst the loud voices, I heard one student saying: “I am my own hero!” His answer stood out to me and I kept reflecting on it as we left the classroom.
Now the question is: “What does it mean that someone is his/her own hero? Is it a bad thing or a good thing? And if it were a good thing, what could possibly contributed to instilling this mindset ‘belief’ in that boy that made him see himself as a real hero?
Throughout history, humanity has witnessed the creation of heroes Such as Greek Gods, profits, political leaders, scientists, and many more, all of which have contributed to the well-being of their communities in a way that engraved their names in people’s memories and history books. Hence, these heroes (leaders) share common exceptional personality traits that made them distinct from other ordinary people. In his TED Talk, Philip Zimbardo who is an American psychologist and a professor at Stanford University, refers to heroism as the disposition of taking risks for the benefit of others, even with the indifference of everyone else. He also highlights the value of preparing children mentally to take action in difficult situations—whether it’s confronting a bully, assisting a stranger, or advocating for someone else. In reference to this notion, we conclude that this kind of mental preparation for young children cultivates the ‘hero self’ in them and instills in them the characteristics and personal traits of real heroes. Studies on heroism reveal that self-efficacy, developing a wide view of the world, prioritizing values on one’s personal inclinations for the sake of fulfilling a purpose/cause, self-actualization, altruism, empathy, integrity, and courage are all personality traits that make someone perceive his/her self as a hero, thus believe it and act accordingly in a heroic way.
It is well known in Psychology that our deep beliefs which are engraved in our subconscious mind shape our decisions and behaviors spontaneously and effortlessly. Consequently, planting the seeds of heroism in children at a young age shapes their identity towards what is positive and possible for them to grow abundantly.
Referring back to our 6th grade young hero, seeing himself in this way indicates that he has developed a high sense of himself and his capabilities. In other words, he has high self esteem as well as self-efficacy.
As a mother of three children; eighteen, fifteen, and ten, who has been working in the education field for nearly two decades, I came to the realization that what you plant, you harvest. In other words, environment (context) is what wires children’s brains towards heroism. Giving children the right kind of support that would fulfill their emotional and mental needs would definitely put them on the right track towards high levels of self-actualization that leads to heroism. To be more specific, self- actualization is a major need in every human being, primarily associated in Psychology with Abraham Maslow. Maslow categorized human needs in a hierarchical diagram through which we understand what it would take from us to build well-balanced humans. Hence, self-actualization is on top of this hierarchy determining that it is an essential need for humans to thrive and feel ‘good enough’ about themselves. Hence, fulfilling this need is brings out the best in them (reaching their maximum potentials and feeling that they are important members in the society rather than being only as number…).
Additionally, Young children need three main support elements that would make them reach the top of Maslow’s hierarchy which is Self-actualization. These three elements are: Autonomy, relatedness, and competence. If we as parents succeed in fostering these core essential needs in our children, each one of them will become a hero. Before diving into the ‘how’, let’s discuss briefly the ‘What’.
Starting with Autonomy, it is the need of feeling in control and having enough space to be self-directed towards one’s decisions and preferences. As for relatedness, children have a strong need to feel related to a community or a group of people in which they feel safe and accepted. Talking about competence, it is in fact the driving force for humans to work and exert effort towords achievement. Without believing that we are capable enough to achieve a specific goal, we will not be able to take even the few first steps towards fulfillment of that goal.
As such, from a mother’s perspective, I would say that the number one effective strategy that worked for me in order to grow and fulfill these in needs was creating a strong bond between me and each one of them. At some point in my life, I realized that the relationship between me and my eldest daughter was not going towards the positive direction which I have strived to achieve. There was a big communication gap between us that put our relationship in a power-struggle mode all the time. Through learning how to regulate my emotions ‘as a mother’, and letting out my true motherly emotions towards her without judgement or criticism, I managed to re-establish our bond in a more mature and nourishing way, which eventually supported her in her life-decisions later on and brought out the best in her. I cannot be more proud of the young lady that she has turned into today just because of giving her the amounts of love and acceptance that she needed in the right way. Creating a strong bond with our children forms the foundation of heroic traits. When parents bond effectively with their children, they foster a relationship that is based on unconditional love and acceptance. Unconditional means that whatever my child would do wrong, I would still love and accept him for who he is, yet, I disapprove that specific behavior, and try to navigate ways that would help me as a mother teach my child what is accepted and what is not, and focus on learning from mistakes rather than punishing unwanted behaviors. This is exactly how we cultivate a learning-responsive environment, and this is exactly what grows autonomy, relatedness, and competence in young children.
In conclusion, the best gift parents can ever grant to their children is teaching them how to be their own heroes. Thus, the key for building self-made heroes requires the construction of a strong foundation of unconditional love and acceptance. This strong foundational bond deepens children’s understanding of themselves, connecting them with their strengths and authentic selves, cultivating strong values of integrity, competence, empathy, respect, responsibility, and perseverance.

Written by: Noura Barakat


References:
• Zimbardo, P. (2008). The psychology of evil [Video]. TED Conferences. https://www.ted.com/talks/philip_zimbardo_the_psychology_of_evil